Aimlessly Wandering

There are just times in college when you are looking at a problem for a good hour and half, trying to find what it is you must do to find the answer. It seems that you’ve exhausted every possible way of going about the problem and they have all failed miserably. During this time, your brain gets so fried that you begin to aimlessly stare at a blank page and fight the urge to just draw a picture of a T-Rex and call it a day. Yup, I’ve done that. Actually even this past week. Oh the joys of college. But something I’ve discovered in my pursuit to answer ridiculous calculus problems, no matter how hard I try a certain theorem, principle or test there is only ONE solution to the problem. I may feel like I’ve gotten the right answer from a different approach but nope. Nuh uh. Gotta start over.

It may seem from my tone of voice that there’s some underlying bitterness to this whole college thing, and yes in several ways there have been. It’s been quite a roller coaster so far but that’s beside the point. What I’m getting to here is no matter how hard I’d like for the choice I make to be the route to the answer, more times than not, it’ll be wrong. God likes to do this a lot. He allows us to have free will and choose where we go but if our will doesn’t match His, we’re always going to get to the wrong answer.

I’ve never put too much thought into this until about a month ago. When it comes to my life in big picture and what God wants me to do during my time on earth, I have pursued His Will above my own, or I hope I have. But I never knew how important it was for me to pursue His Will for me each and every day.

During this last week, a priest at my church gave his homily on the end of time when Christ will come back and make the great divide. Those who lived their lives comfortably and for themselves would be left, while those that submitted to His will above their own would be rewarded with complete unity with God forever…. If He came back right this instant, what side would I be on? I would love to say I am 100% positive I would be with Him forever, but I can’t. More times than not, I have gone about my life in my bubble that I formed years ago. It’s the safe zone, where I’m most comfortable and life isn’t much of a threat. But what’s the point of living in this state of complacency, if I’m not pursuing His will for me each and every day? I may have a consistent relationship with Him, but what kind of relationship is it if I say I’ll do something and in reality, don’t? There isn’t and when I realized this, something needed to change.

Despite how much I DREAD change in my life, that’s what God is calling me to. He wants me to be placed somewhere out of my comfort zone. Somewhere that I have no idea what to do because it is so foreign. Just thinking of it makes me have to catch my breath. It’s scary! I’m not going to lie, it terrifies me.  But despite the initial fear that comes to mind, I have been able to find peace. My heart is content and that’s why I know it is His will. As apprehensive as the whole idea that my entire world is going to be flipped upside down from what I thought God wanted for me, I am overwhelmed with excitement and joy for His plan. When our will matches His, our hearts are transformed to be like His.

At times it can be tough to hear Him and where He wishes to guide you. Our world is filled with noise and sometimes God’s voice gets blurred out from all the commotion. But do not fret, He isn’t going anywhere. In the silence, in the people He places in your life, in the Sacraments, everywhere, He is awaiting you to turn to Him and listen. Maybe He will speak to you in the breath of the wind, in praise and worship, in the silence, or in the words of a friend. He is all around us, we just have to take the time to listen to Him.

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